Self Doubt and Shaky Ground

I need to find another job. I know this. I've known this for a couple of years. The business is dying a slow and cancerous death.
When I was hired, there were approximately 100 employees. It's now down to 30; partly because some were smarter and found other jobs early, and partly because of layoffs. So far, I've been personally unaffected by the layoffs - I say personally, because I'm still here, but I have been profoundly affected.
During the demise of a very public marriage I realized that I needed to get out of the spotlight for awhile. I had an opportunity arise to interview for a small family-owned business and I jumped on it. Because of the high-profile of my position at the Chamber of Commerce, I had become well known and my reputation spoke for itself - I was hired immediately.
I brought with me a sense of pride - I wore nice clothes, I conducted business meetings properly, and I worked hard to maintain a proper business ethic.
I was ridiculed for my clothes - I was obviously trying to impress someone. Business meetings were a joke - it was acceptable to conduct your own conversations while others were speaking, eating chips out of a noisy bag was only annoying to me, and telling inconsequential personal stories were the norm. What I perceived as emergencies were really no big deals. Business attire here is totally up to you - no standards whatsoever.
Four years later I'm trying to revamp my resume, taking a hard look at my closet for acceptable interview clothes and examining my self worth. I don't have a college degree. I've gone to college but life kept getting in the way. I've raised four children but that doesn't fit into work history anywhere.
I've been shaken to my very core with life's lessons. I've built so many walls that I can't even see myself, let alone let someone else see me for who I really am. How am I supposed to sell myself to someone else? How am I supposed to convince a company they need me?
The other day I submitted a resume for a part-time position. The job would be at a call center for a well-known company. Here I can wear what I want. I would be a mere employee - not a manager. Not the go-to person for every question that needs answered or for jobs that no one else wants to do.
The interview was on Monday. We had a storm and the electricity was out right up to the time of the interview. I had fully intended to reprint my resume and references but was unable to because of the outage. Since I had submitted both on-line, I really wasn't prepared to redo the entire process when I got there.
I felt totally inadequate.
I'm sure I prattled because I was nervous. I interviewed with two women - one was personable and the other was made of stone. I was then asked to set with a person and watch her perform her duties. Could I handle this? You bet.
It's Thursday and I've not heard a single word. What does this mean? Do they think I don't need the job because I've got one now? Do they think I lied about not being able to produce phone numbers? Are they comparing the resume I submitted on-line to the head-scratching stuff I frantically scribbled out when I got there? Do they know some secret information about me that I don't know? How can I wear four different manager hats here but not qualify to answer the phone there? This has me worried. What about me did they not like?
I can't expect them to know me because I've basically lived underground the last little bit. I don't go anywhere, I don't socialize much at all, and I sure don't brag about myself to the people I do know. I've become part of the background of life.
I've prayed at length about this. God knows I'm struggling financially. God knows I need a break. God also knows the personal battles I've fought and battles I continue to fight. But maybe, just maybe, God knows this might be too much for me right now. Maybe He knows that even though I think I could handle a second job, that maybe I really can't. Maybe there is a better opportunity He is offering up in the future. Maybe I'm not pointing myself in the right direction.

Maybe He wants me to stop and enjoy life for a change.

Maybe I need to plant the roses I'm supposed to stop and smell.

Maybe I just need to let Go and let God.